FEELING GOOD, FEELING GREAT!!!

Its funny...this time two weeks ago I was hating life and super depressed. But now I am super happy and so in love with life and God and everything thats going on! If you know my situation then you are probably asking "What's so great in her life?" On the surface it looks like nothing other than an extended vacay in LA (I have no job and I am broke!)
I've always known that I am genuinely happy person and that I don't need certain comforts in life to be happy. After living the life as a student for the past few years...this type of truth should be embedded in me but living at home for six months kind of had a sister spoiled!!! Happiness is not a new CD or a new pair or shoes or any of the numerous things I like to buy. Happiness is not even the new condo or convertible Mercedes that I am saving up for! Happiness is not Defiant Entertainment Group's first Oscar winning/blockbuster film (all though that would be nice!!!!) Those things may bring a smile and a happy sensation... Well honestly, those things might make a happy person MORE happy...but give those things to an unhappy person...then it doesn't mean a thing!!!
But I really feel like I had to go through my little depressed spell to realize that I am sooo blessed. There are so many people who love me and would do anything in their power to see me do well! Thats everyone from my roomie, to my family, to my best friends and my crew, to my DC family! Man! It feels sooo great to be loved! Then on top of that I get to LA and join a Young Adult ministry (having a great fellowship group is just as important as having an apartment!!) and they look out just like they have known me for a long time!
So yeah, things at surface level could be better. But I know that stuff is coming! Right now, I am good! And I get to go to NC next week to see my younger brother graduate from high school!!! Life is WONDERFUL!

HAPPY I AM!

So I wrote this sometime last week when I was stressed and tripping and somewhat pissed off! This is not nothing factual its just me blowing off steam... Many of ya'll know that I have never smoked before...its just not my scene...that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it...


I’m stressing
I’m pissed off
I’m stressing so much that I’m pissed off
Or is it I’m pissed off so much that I’m stressing
I don’t know and I don’t care
Or I don’t care that I don’t know
What I do know is that now I’m tripping
I’m tripping so much that now I’m now smoking
Or maybe I’m smoking so much that I’m now tripping
And I know people who know me and even those who don’t know me are judging me
Or worried
But whatever
I’m a smart girl
I chose smoking over eating
Well over overeating
And I chose smoking over spending money that I don’t have
It was a well thought out decision

I tried to talk to people about what was stressing me
Turned out that talking to them was adding stress to me
One friend told me my stress wasn’t that big of a deal
The other told me to do some yoga so I could heal
The other didn’t have no time for me
And no I’m not about to throw no kind of pity party
So I called my pastor who said he would pray
And my therapist is the only person who listened to me entirely and then had the nerves tell that she would offer a solution on the next day
The receptionist would handle my bill
At this point my stress and anger were beyond their fill

I found myself with a lighter in one hand and a blunt in the other
Blazing up
The smoke filled up my head taking the place of every negative thought
My insides didn’t hurt
My heart didn’t ache
For a brief period of time I was entirely free
But then I came crashing back down to reality
And everything that had me tripping was still there
A cold reminder that life ain’t no crystal stair
But inhaling let me feel that it could be
Had me like “Everything is easy baby…”
BUT
I still am pissed off and stressed and even more pissed off and stressed that I still got face the causes of my stress and pisstivity